It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
