There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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