So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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