You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
