She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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