I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize