didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
where am i from again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
