Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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