I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
