I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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