***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was like eating out sand paper
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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