Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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