Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
