I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
