You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
