just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
