I've blown a few things in my day
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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