I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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