Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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