I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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