I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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