Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
