I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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