he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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