Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
