you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
