Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
