i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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