sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
