I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just gift wrapped bread.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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