I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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