Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
