barbara walters just said penis...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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