I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
