anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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