You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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