You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I lost the right to judge tonight
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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