I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
