Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
