She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize