The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
