i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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