forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
