just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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