No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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