There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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