she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
