he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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