Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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