Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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