We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
