just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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