dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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