nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
