Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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