he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
