i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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