How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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