he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
