Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize