I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
