I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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