why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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