cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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