All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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