I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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