Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
