i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
