Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
