I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
