Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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