Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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