I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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