i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
