I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
