If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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