i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
