Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
