At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
