if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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