I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize