thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
