Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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