I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this just has baby written all over it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
