She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
