Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
