I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
