i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
