you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
