I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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