Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
