Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
