Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Damn victory sex feels great
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
