Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
