school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
