smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
