I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
