allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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