Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
