i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
